For most of my life I wasn’t actually present in my body. Sure, it moved me around from space to space and it performed actions for me, but I didn’t really feel myself within it.
It seemed like a scary place to me and so I overrode its signals and strove to operate from my mind rather than through my physicality. “No pain, no gain” was one of the hot mantras of my youth and I subscribed to it, no questions asked.
I got really good at operating outside of my physical space. I was so separate from it that I could push emotions down and into it and seemingly ignore them. I could pretend that things didn’t hurt by not allowing myself to feel them. I swallowed my tears, I stifled my rage, I buried my grief. I believed that if I just turned the emotions off, I would be okay.
And as I numbed myself, I separated from myself more and more. My energy body floated far outside of my physical body. I experienced anxiety, depression, obsession and addiction as I continued to negate my emotions and my body ~ my core essence. I recognize now that there were extreme moments of PTSD sprinkled in there as well as my trapped trauma was struggling to make itself known, only to be denied an appearance by more alcohol or drugs.
I had to do a lot of healing work to get back into my body. I had to feel my emotions so that I could know that they wouldn’t overrun me. I had to have the experience of anger and grief moving through me while I stayed present to them so that I could understand that I was safe.
I began to understand that being in my body was a practical and good thing and that it allowed me to feel everything more fully ~ the pleasure and the joy as well. And once I began to feel my emotions, they didn’t hold any power over me anymore. And so I became empowered through my expression of them.
A lot of my clients have experienced the same. Many of them are sensitive like me and many of them have had to bury their emotions as well because we grew up in a time when it just wasn’t safe to express them.
Here is one of my very favorite embodiment exercises that was given to me for one of my clients:
As you get out of bed in the morning, set your feet on the ground and pause. Take a moment to come into your body, to really feel it. Start with your feet and feel them connected to the solid ground below you. Feel the sturdiness of the connection and the strength of your feet. Say to yourself, “Right now, I am safe in my body. I am secure.” Allow your attention to climb up your legs and to continue up through your entire body. Feel your physical frame; settle into it. Breathe from your belly, long even breaths. Take a moment to tune in and express gratitude to your body for the miracle of your existence (you started out as a bundle of cells!) and for carrying you through this life.
If you’re ready to safely work through your repressed emotions so that you can liberate yourself from symptoms, anxiety, depression and more, Elicia Miller (this woman can REALLY help you get to the bottom of repressed emotions) and I are going to Costa Rica for a week and we’d love for you to join us. There are only a few spots left! Check our Tropical Healing Immersion: Costa Rica Retreat out HERE!