When You Stay Stuck in a Story... - Janet Raftis

When You Stay Stuck in a Story…

…you give your power away.

Truth be told, most of us love a good story. An account well-told captivates us; it brings us together and allows us to feel solidarity and connection with others.

In fact, a catchy story played over and over in our own heads can be just as mesmerizing. Typically the plot lines of these stories follow one of two general layouts, either the I’m-the-victim-of-all-of-it plot or the I’m-to-blame-for-all-of-it version (which is also really a variation of the victim story). Sometimes there is even a middle ground that shifts between the two.

Regardless of which adaptation we are telling ourselves, when we hit repeat on the player, we are in effect keeping ourselves in a place of disempowerment. We are telling ourselves over and over again that: “this ~ and only this ~ is how it is.” Much of the time, we’ve written our version into a tragedy because drama sells.

So when the version of the story is one that doesn’t serve our growth, not only can it quickly become stifling ~ it can seemingly smother us. When this happens, we begin to feel anxious, overwhelmed, isolated and alone.

For years I told myself that life was a struggle. I had been victimized and I played that reel over and over again. As a result, the story bled into most areas of my life. I truly believed that I wasn’t enough and that I didn’t have enough value and so, in turn, I never perceived that there was enough available for me.

Turning this belief around was huge. I was attached to my story that life was hard and that I was a perpetual victim of circumstance. And so I continued to struggle and I continued to be victimized. Becoming a single mom further perpetuated the myth I’d created because I then bought into the societal belief that being a single mom is really hard.

And it is really challenging. I’m not downplaying the amount of dedication it takes to be a single mom (or any type of mom or dad for that matter). But I did stop buying into the international best-selling version of the story, which is that single moms don’t have enough money, time or support to raise their children the way other families do.

I decided to rewrite my as-yet-uncharted history ~ to create the unfolding that I truly wanted to claim. Now, updating this story didn’t happen overnight. I had to unravel years and years of personal and societal brainwashing.

I had to heal my emotional wounds. I had to process, cry, scream, laugh, journal my big ol’ heart out, and really dig deep into my psyche and my awareness. It was a complete overhaul of my raison d’être. It was messy and sloppy and so so so beautiful all at once.

But I did it. And thank goddess ~ because I’m not struggling anymore.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments that are hard because there are plenty. What it does mean is that: I’m not defined by not being able to get through my hard moments. I get through them by moving the emotions and energy around them. And when I do that, the record changes. It’s a living and breathing story that allows for expansion and growth rather than holding me in a pattern of stagnation and constriction.

I’ve moved from victim to hero in my story. I say hero because I saved myself. And in the saving of myself, I created a better environment around me. This means that my child benefits, as do my friends, my family, my clients, my neighbors and the world at large. How wonderful it has been to take one more version of the stress/lack/scarcity paradigm out of the field and to replace it with a vibration of faith!

I’ve rewritten many stories in the last several years, and one of them is my money story. A part of that was giving up the idea that there isn’t enough and that I didn’t deserve to receive what was out there. I did loads of healing around this and then once I started working with my business coach, Monica Shah, my mindset shifted considerably. Here is a photo of me sharing my now ever-evolving money story ~ the one that I am actively creating ~ at her Master Your Money event in Atlanta this past weekend.


When we claim a new story, we create a new reality.

What story are you ready to rewrite? I’d love to support you. Share in the comment section below and I will hold your intention to shift along with you!

Leave a Reply 8 comments

Shayelyn Woodbery - April 14, 2016 Reply

Loved reading this Janet! So powerful and so true. We can rewrite our story any time we decide to. You are such an amazing writer and healer. I always look forward to getting your blog.xo, Shayelyn

    Janet Raftis - April 14, 2016 Reply

    Thank you, Shayelyn! I appreciate your kind words and you. xoxo

Clare Allah - April 14, 2016 Reply

This is stupendously beautiful. I love this! Seriously, replacing an old paradigm with a vibration of faith is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard this week. 🙂 And I love your questions because they really cause one to search deep, excavate, and bring up for examination. I am ready to rewrite my story that I am inconsistent and am not capable of accomplishing the things I really want to do in my personal life and spiritual life. I want to rewrite the ADD-as-a-lifestyle-excuse story! I am rewriting my Loner story and my Preoccupation stories already. And I want to celebrate that I’ve rewritten my “I am the fuck up of the family” story and “I will always be misunderstood” story and my “I don’t deserve absolute honesty” story!! And my rewritten story about having to live life from a low level so I can be equal to all creatures. By contrast, living from a high level raises the vibration of the planet so all can do so.
I Love you, Janet as always! Thank you for holding intentions for my shift to the Story of Clare can do and accomplish everything she wants and has the time to truly express her creativity in the ways she wants to, be consistent, do her writing and research all the things that she really loves, travel to the places she really needs to go, and has the capability and focus to do all this with grace and ease and from her heart center, and is also capable of having an equal and beautiful romantic partnership with another person when the time is right! 🙂

    Janet Raftis - April 14, 2016 Reply

    Thank you, dear Clare! I love you too and I lovingly hold your intentions along with you. xoxoxo

Jen - April 14, 2016 Reply

What a beautiful post.

I look forward to rewriting the I’m Too Much story, which seems to play back-to-back with I’m Not Enough, which is frankly really overplayed and poorly acted. It’s like the Rom Com that I already know the ending to. Except without romance. Or comedy.

The story I am writing now is the one where my dreams were placed in my noggin’ and heart because they DESIRE TO BE ACCOMPLISHED rather than to, like, tempt me and leave me feeling deflated. Because that’s boring. That’s not a fun story. I’m a better writer than that!

Also, I’m ready to release the “OVERNIGHT SUCCESS” fiction story as I compare my insides and behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s outsides and current successes.

I’d like to start watching “DIVINE TIMING” instead. That sounds more enjoyable.

    Janet Raftis - April 14, 2016 Reply

    I love to read this! It feels beautiful and much more fun and expansive. I’m grateful to hold the intention with you. xo

Jessica Mullis - April 14, 2016 Reply

Perfect timing, Janet. I think the two stories I would like to rewrite and am currently working on are that I am stuck with my last realationship. I also have that same money story of there never being enough and will I ever get that ever elusive “grip”. Xoxox Thank you for your inspiration!

    Janet Raftis - April 14, 2016 Reply

    Thank you for sharing and I will hold those for you as well! Sending love your way! xoxoxo

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