Monthly Archives: September 2016

Living in Your “YES!”


For those of us who are sensitive, boundaries can mean tricky business…

An effective early step in working with boundaries* is to begin to understand our own energetic and physical bodies and what feels good to us. Most empaths, sensitives and people who have experienced trauma have developed an energy pattern that is quite literally out-of-body.

We do this to achieve a perceived sense of safety, but what happens is that we lose the ability to discern what is ours and what isn’t ours and where we end and others begin. We become confused over what feels good and right to us and what compromises us in some way. We also become uncertain as to what is our responsibility and what isn’t (other by-products of being out-of-body include overwhelm, anxiety, confusion, ungroundedness and more).

Here is a simple body scan exercise that can help you to get started. I love this exercise and use some variation of it almost every day for myself. Over time, using this and other techniques, I’ve been able to create a very strong sense of self ~ one that enables me to be fully present in my body, empowered in my empathy and intuition, and capable of maintaining fluid boundaries that honor my true needs and all of those I’m in relationship with. Through this work, I’ve been able to know and honor my true feelings.

  • Take a moment to get settled and quiet in a chair or lying down on your back with your stomach, solar plexus and heart centers open.
  • Turn your attention to your breath. On your in-breath, feel your belly rise and expand. Let your breath begin in your stomach and then rise through your diaphragm and then lungs.
  • Allow your out-breath to be at least as long as your in-breath and feel your tummy fall as you release and let go.
  • Do about 10 rounds of this breathing.
  • Next, turn your attention to your body. This type of breathing connects you back into your core and will help you to feel more embodied immediately. (This is great to do anytime you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed.)
  • Start at your toes and move your way up, just noticing and feeling your body. If any judgments arise, gently release them and return to the breath and the scan.
  • When you feel calm and centered, ask your body to show you what “yes” feels like. This may come as a sense of expansion, a smile, an opening of the heart or in another way that feels good to you. If it doesn’t come immediately, that is okay. Just breathe and stay centered. You may need to give it a few minutes or try again at a later time. For many of us, being fully embodied is a new experience and we may need to have space to explore it further before understanding it fully.
  • After you have your affirmative response, ask your body to show you “no.” My body shows me this by constricting in the heart center. Some feel it in their belly or head. Any of the responses can shift and change as well, though the quality of them will tend to remain the same.
  • You can also ask your body to show you a neutral response, as oftentimes that is the case as in a situation like this: “How would an apple for a snack be for me?” If you have no sensitivities to an apple, it may show up in a neutral, if-you-want-it sort of way.
  • When you are finished, turn back into your breath and send thoughts of gratitude to your body for supporting you.

With practice, understanding your authentic, full-bodied “YES!” will become second nature and you will be able to discern which people, places and situations do and don’t feel good to you. From there, you can begin the process of living from a space of honoring that yes and aligning with it more consistently.  Ultimately, that YES! will open new doors of exploration and freedom to you.

With much love!

*Boundaries are complex. The activity above is a great place to start and there are many tools that can help you to begin shifting them. Fully understanding them may require you to undergo deep, emotional clearing work, especially if there is trauma. If there are core trauma wounds present, I recommend working with Elicia Miller to help clear them in conjunction with resetting your energy field and working with tools such as the one above.

If Something Doesn’t Feel Right…

If something doesn’t feel right…

It probably isn’t.

And yet, so much of the time we don’t pay attention to our body’s signals…and then we end up wondering how we got where we are, why we did what, what we were thinking and why we don’t listen to ourselves.

We’ve been taught, socialized, pushed to use our heads ~ to think things through: How does it look on paper and what are the pros and cons of the situation? We are shown that facts and data and raw analysis will lead us down the right path…The one that our families, friends and society have determined is the best for us regardless of what we feel truly passionate about.

We are shown to discount our feelings and the ways that our bodies communicate with us…to push through the pain, to keep on going, to get things done regardless of the pains, illnesses or sense of dread that we may be experiencing. We are taught that it is desirable and necessary to override our physiology in favor of the mind.

I’m not about to discredit the use of the mind here. It truly is a beautiful thing! But it also has been conditioned and socialized and the voice of the ego is in there messing things up a lot of the time. And while one of the ego’s jobs is to protect us ~ and it’s probably done a great job at that! ~ it is its job to do it at all costs, even lying to us and asking us to overlook our sense feelings in order to get what it wants.

Ignoring my body’s signals led me to chronic pain and illness, addiction and depression. It has taken me years to unravel and I’m still exploring various aspects of it. It also led me to not trusting myself and the decisions that I was making.

A huge part of my growth was a) getting back into my body and b) learning to how to listen to and understand it.

In order to do this I had to access the core emotions and trauma that I had repressed. I did this by going within my body and opening up a dialogue with it. Once I accessed what I had repressed, I honored what was coming up and allowed the emotions that my body was holding to move through me. (My colleague Elicia Miller has developed an amazing and highly effective method for doing this ~ I highly recommend working with her. We also have a retreat coming up in October as well! See below for more details.)

Over time, I started to understand my body and its cues. I began to trust it (it as always trustworthy ~ it was me who had doubted it) and I cultivated my relationship with it. As this happened, my intuition opened even more and I began to live in a state of (mostly) flow. As I began to follow the lead of my embodied intuition, I made better choices, I became more faith-full and courageous, and my life opened up beautifully.

One of my clients noted to me the other day that she’d noticed the shift to saying “I feel” instead of “I think.” I too noticed this when it happened to me…And it was the herald of expansion and growth in a way that I could never have imagined.

Today, if something doesn’t feel right, I release it. And if it does, I embrace it. I’m keeping it simple and allowing my heart to guide me. 

I try to integrate my mind with my body so that they can balance and harmonize and so I’m aware of any potential pitfalls or dangers. My head still messes with me from time to time, but it also provides me with a lot of valuable information. When I feel my mind trying to wrestle control in a situation, I focus my attention within to understand what is really going on. And from that space, I’m able to find the right tools to get me back on track.

How can our retreat help?

The retreat that I’m facilitating along with Elicia Miller October 23-30 in the mountains of Costa Rica is a powerful and effective way to greatly jumpstart this process. We will create sacred space and guide you through processes to help you safely access and release your repressed emotions, connect to your inner child on a very deep level and learn how to re-parent her with compassion and love, and shift your energy in a way that helps you to access your gifts, embodied wisdom and intuition.

Our past participants have all been transformed by this work!

For more information, click HERE or CONTACT ME to set up a free chat. Continue reading