Category Archives for "Blog"

10 Pearled Wisdom

I’ve chosen intentional words for the last few years and they have proven to be very powerful for me. In 2015, “expansion” brought me a business coach, a healing space, and huge growth in both my personal life and practice. In 2016, “activation” brought me even more growth, a hugely opening and expansive relationship, and a new course and program actually called “Activate Your Superpowers.”

Through these past two years, I’ve learned that there is deep power in setting intentional words and because of that I’ve taken a lot of time to allow the right word to settle within me this year.

Initially, because I have experienced such an expansion of energies over the last few years, I wanted to continue along the same vein. But as life and my higher self would have it, a much more introspective and subtle energy came through.

I wrote recently about my experience in New York with my business coach Monica Shah, in which I had an epiphany around how I tend to hold myself back in many ways. I’ve become very open and able to be vulnerable about topics that I used to shroud in secrecy and shame and because of that, I have felt confident in my voice.

But full-expression of ourselves is more than just our voice. It is the way that we move through the world, the manner in which we share ourselves in all ways. It is how we hold ourselves, offer ourselves, shine our lights, and even how we dim them.

So the truth is that I’m fully expressing myself in some areas of my life, but not all. I still hold back in some ways out of fear of being “too much” to others.

And so I was holding this thought in the back of my mind and I asked my team and Spirit to guide me towards my word. “Expression” was being whispered in my ear, but I wasn’t allowing it to take hold within me.

A few days later, at my birthday celebration, I received a beautiful gift of an oyster shell from one of my dear friends. And while an oyster shell might seem like an odd gift (even she claims she had intended to get me a piece of jewelry, but felt drawn to get the shell instead), I was mesmerized by it.

Then, when we got home, I opened a gift from Scott: The Wild Unknown’s Spirit Animal Deck, which I have had my eye on for a good while. I was SO excited to pull my first card. (Y’all, this deck is amazing!)

I laid the cards out and asked to be shown what I most needed to see. And then I pulled…

OYSTER.

Frankly, I was wondering why I hadn’t pulled something more glamorous, like Unicorn or Eagle or the Cosmic Egg. Seriously, oyster??? I wouldn’t even have thought about putting an oyster card in a deck!

I didn’t initially put it all together…And then it hit me: I had JUST received an oyster and I had been reflecting on not holding myself back. My guides were being loud and clear with me:

It’s time to come out of my shell and to reveal the pearl within. It’s time to open and express fully, to not take my inner gifts for granted, to move away from my tendency to hold back and withdraw.

I’m realizing just how powerful FULLexpression can be. I also realize that just as my last two intentional words pushed me to challenge myself in big ways, 2017’s word is already asking the same of me.

So I will be louder, bolder and brighter this year in a way that feels aligned and in integrity to me. I will do so even when my tendency might be to pull back. I’m committing to my word and I’m excited to see what sort of magic will unfold as a result. It scares me, but it lights me up at the same time and that is exactly what the best intentions for growth will do.

What about you? Have you chosen an intentional word for 2017? Hop on over to my blog and share if you’d like. I’d love to hear from you!

1 Dimmer Switch

I just got back from spending three intense and inspiring days with my business mentor, Monica Shah. Every time I connect with her, I shift, change and grow in ways I didn’t even know were possible.

I had so so so many aha moments over those three days, and perhaps one of the most significant shifts is around how I show up in the world.

I noticed that I have a tendency to put a certain amount of myself out into the world and that once I reach this self-conceived limit, I start to pull back. This measurement seems to hold true regardless of what it is I’m sharing (or not sharing as the case may be). It could be a particular aspect of myself, a program, a service, my life in general or a component of my growth.

I hesitate out of fear of being too much. And that subconscious belief has held me back from sharing my gifts more fully with others. It has held me back from service and it has held me back from receiving as well.

I’ve been shining my light at about 65% capacity.

I don’t want to do that anymore. I have spent years getting to the truth of who I am so that I can show myself as authentically as possible in any given moment. But authenticity only rings fully true if it is without censor, without dimming. It can only show up as true when fully accepted, honored and shined.

And so as I move into a New Year for opportunity and growth, I am turning inward in search of how I can really grow. Growth doesn’t happen without expansion, which means that I must be willing to shine more brightly rather that to keep the dimmer switch on.

I’m still reflecting on what my word for the New Year might be. This year’s was ACTIVATION and the previous one was EXPANSION. Both proved to be extremely powerful for me. And the energy of both still fit…Despite holy moly growth with both, there is more waiting for me to unveil, unravel, unfold…And I feel inspired to go deep and go big.

And what about you? Where do you hold back and how can you shine that light a little more brightly? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.

I love you and I’m grateful for you!

 

Trusting the Voice Within

Learning to trust myself was a major process, fraught with ups and downs and doubts and fear.

I had never trusted myself and most of my life was spent trying to force myself to believe that everything was okay. When I couldn’t make a decision, I just stayed where I was: I was afraid I would make the wrong one.

Even after my intuition reawakened, I doubted myself. I could see the paths and decisions that would help others, but I could rarely see what would best support me.

I was living outside of my body, I was overwhelmed and confused, and I stayed small so that I wouldn’t have to make decisions that might create a sense of failure or pain in me. And as a result of this, I was allowing others to have dominion over my mood, my actions and my sense of self-worth. It was easier to let life lead me than it was to actively co-create my reality.

Everything had always taught me to not trust what I was feeling and to override what my body was telling me. I played soccer on sprained ankles and I cartwheeled on hurt wrists; crying was a sign of weakness and anger was to be suppressed. I could sense the emotions that everyone else was feeling ~ anger, sadness, anxiety ~ but I would always hear that they were “fine” or “good.” Hide, hide, hide who you truly are was the message all around me…And it confused me and taught me that what I was feeling must have been wrong…

I know this to be true about a lot of people that I work with as well…the inability to trust ourselves and our intuition is a product of years of denying the reality of our situation, feelings, life in general…

And it can be hard to come back from this…It can feel unstable and uncertain. It can be really difficult to move through the conditioning and doubt.

Learning to go back within…to access the wisdom of my body and my higher self changed everything for me. I’m able to intuitively handle situations that used to be stressful and overwhelming for me. I can make decisions that feel aligned and good to me. I TRUST that I’m taking care of my needs and I feel safer as a result.

And my psychic abilities soared as I began to trust my inner wisdom; it’s like having an internal system of checks and balances and so as I receive information from my upper chakras (Third Eye and Crown), I feel the insights land in my body more strongly and I’m able to better navigate the subtleties of what I’m perceiving.

A huge part of my healing journey was this key aspect of finally trusting myself. I still had to navigate trauma and stress and chronic symptoms, but the more connected I became to my inner voice, the more substantiated and grounded I became in the rest. I learned how to BE fully in my body and to listen to its rhythms, likes and desires. I also began to acknowledge, feel and respect its no’s…

My inner voice always guides me with heart and the interest of my best and highest good…And accessing and trusting that is a pure treasure that never leads me astray.

P.S. If this resonates with you, I can help you! Check out my Activate Your Superpowers class HERE.

Living in Your “YES!”

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For those of us who are sensitive, boundaries can mean tricky business…

An effective early step in working with boundaries* is to begin to understand our own energetic and physical bodies and what feels good to us. Most empaths, sensitives and people who have experienced trauma have developed an energy pattern that is quite literally out-of-body.

We do this to achieve a perceived sense of safety, but what happens is that we lose the ability to discern what is ours and what isn’t ours and where we end and others begin. We become confused over what feels good and right to us and what compromises us in some way. We also become uncertain as to what is our responsibility and what isn’t (other by-products of being out-of-body include overwhelm, anxiety, confusion, ungroundedness and more).

Here is a simple body scan exercise that can help you to get started. I love this exercise and use some variation of it almost every day for myself. Over time, using this and other techniques, I’ve been able to create a very strong sense of self ~ one that enables me to be fully present in my body, empowered in my empathy and intuition, and capable of maintaining fluid boundaries that honor my true needs and all of those I’m in relationship with. Through this work, I’ve been able to know and honor my true feelings.

  • Take a moment to get settled and quiet in a chair or lying down on your back with your stomach, solar plexus and heart centers open.
  • Turn your attention to your breath. On your in-breath, feel your belly rise and expand. Let your breath begin in your stomach and then rise through your diaphragm and then lungs.
  • Allow your out-breath to be at least as long as your in-breath and feel your tummy fall as you release and let go.
  • Do about 10 rounds of this breathing.
  • Next, turn your attention to your body. This type of breathing connects you back into your core and will help you to feel more embodied immediately. (This is great to do anytime you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed.)
  • Start at your toes and move your way up, just noticing and feeling your body. If any judgments arise, gently release them and return to the breath and the scan.
  • When you feel calm and centered, ask your body to show you what “yes” feels like. This may come as a sense of expansion, a smile, an opening of the heart or in another way that feels good to you. If it doesn’t come immediately, that is okay. Just breathe and stay centered. You may need to give it a few minutes or try again at a later time. For many of us, being fully embodied is a new experience and we may need to have space to explore it further before understanding it fully.
  • After you have your affirmative response, ask your body to show you “no.” My body shows me this by constricting in the heart center. Some feel it in their belly or head. Any of the responses can shift and change as well, though the quality of them will tend to remain the same.
  • You can also ask your body to show you a neutral response, as oftentimes that is the case as in a situation like this: “How would an apple for a snack be for me?” If you have no sensitivities to an apple, it may show up in a neutral, if-you-want-it sort of way.
  • When you are finished, turn back into your breath and send thoughts of gratitude to your body for supporting you.

With practice, understanding your authentic, full-bodied “YES!” will become second nature and you will be able to discern which people, places and situations do and don’t feel good to you. From there, you can begin the process of living from a space of honoring that yes and aligning with it more consistently.  Ultimately, that YES! will open new doors of exploration and freedom to you.

With much love!

*Boundaries are complex. The activity above is a great place to start and there are many tools that can help you to begin shifting them. Fully understanding them may require you to undergo deep, emotional clearing work, especially if there is trauma. If there are core trauma wounds present, I recommend working with Elicia Miller to help clear them in conjunction with resetting your energy field and working with tools such as the one above.

If Something Doesn’t Feel Right…

If something doesn’t feel right…

It probably isn’t.

And yet, so much of the time we don’t pay attention to our body’s signals…and then we end up wondering how we got where we are, why we did what, what we were thinking and why we don’t listen to ourselves.

We’ve been taught, socialized, pushed to use our heads ~ to think things through: How does it look on paper and what are the pros and cons of the situation? We are shown that facts and data and raw analysis will lead us down the right path…The one that our families, friends and society have determined is the best for us regardless of what we feel truly passionate about.

We are shown to discount our feelings and the ways that our bodies communicate with us…to push through the pain, to keep on going, to get things done regardless of the pains, illnesses or sense of dread that we may be experiencing. We are taught that it is desirable and necessary to override our physiology in favor of the mind.

I’m not about to discredit the use of the mind here. It truly is a beautiful thing! But it also has been conditioned and socialized and the voice of the ego is in there messing things up a lot of the time. And while one of the ego’s jobs is to protect us ~ and it’s probably done a great job at that! ~ it is its job to do it at all costs, even lying to us and asking us to overlook our sense feelings in order to get what it wants.

Ignoring my body’s signals led me to chronic pain and illness, addiction and depression. It has taken me years to unravel and I’m still exploring various aspects of it. It also led me to not trusting myself and the decisions that I was making.

A huge part of my growth was a) getting back into my body and b) learning to how to listen to and understand it.

In order to do this I had to access the core emotions and trauma that I had repressed. I did this by going within my body and opening up a dialogue with it. Once I accessed what I had repressed, I honored what was coming up and allowed the emotions that my body was holding to move through me. (My colleague Elicia Miller has developed an amazing and highly effective method for doing this ~ I highly recommend working with her. We also have a retreat coming up in October as well! See below for more details.)

Over time, I started to understand my body and its cues. I began to trust it (it as always trustworthy ~ it was me who had doubted it) and I cultivated my relationship with it. As this happened, my intuition opened even more and I began to live in a state of (mostly) flow. As I began to follow the lead of my embodied intuition, I made better choices, I became more faith-full and courageous, and my life opened up beautifully.

One of my clients noted to me the other day that she’d noticed the shift to saying “I feel” instead of “I think.” I too noticed this when it happened to me…And it was the herald of expansion and growth in a way that I could never have imagined.

Today, if something doesn’t feel right, I release it. And if it does, I embrace it. I’m keeping it simple and allowing my heart to guide me. 

I try to integrate my mind with my body so that they can balance and harmonize and so I’m aware of any potential pitfalls or dangers. My head still messes with me from time to time, but it also provides me with a lot of valuable information. When I feel my mind trying to wrestle control in a situation, I focus my attention within to understand what is really going on. And from that space, I’m able to find the right tools to get me back on track.

How can our retreat help?

The retreat that I’m facilitating along with Elicia Miller October 23-30 in the mountains of Costa Rica is a powerful and effective way to greatly jumpstart this process. We will create sacred space and guide you through processes to help you safely access and release your repressed emotions, connect to your inner child on a very deep level and learn how to re-parent her with compassion and love, and shift your energy in a way that helps you to access your gifts, embodied wisdom and intuition.

Our past participants have all been transformed by this work!

For more information, click HERE or CONTACT ME to set up a free chat. Continue reading

A Day in the Life of an Intuitive Family

Morning Talk

Scott and Janet settle into their usual chairs on the porch. It’s a beautiful Georgia morning after a heavy rain.

Scott:

What was the name of that archangel we were talking to?

(He takes a sip of coffee and scratches his head.)

Janet:

(Not missing a beat)

Orion.

Scott:

Oh yeah. He’s cool. I liked him; he turned my body into blocks.

Janet:

Yeah, that was pretty awesome.

(The dog barks.)

I think Artemis wants to go out. Let’s take her for a walk after we finish our coffee.

Post Dog Walk

Scott:

I forgot to ask. How’s your back feeling this morning?

Janet:

Really good! That exercise AV: gave us totally helped. Do you want avocado with your breakfast?

Scott:

Yes, please. It still kind of freaks me out that an extraterrestrial that I channel can be so loving and helpful. Will you pass me the honey, honey?

Janet:

(Smiles.)

Why would that freak you out? I think AV: is sweet. I love him.

(Passes him the honey.)

Scott:

I JUST started channeling him! Of course it freaks me out.

(His eyes get really big and Janet rolls hers.)

Janet:

Honey, his message is awesome. Really it doesn’t matter who it comes from, does it?

Scott:

(Sarcastically)

Yeah, right. Tell my mom that.

Lunch Talk

Scott:

I’m giving a channeled reading at 2:00. What does the rest of your day look like?

Janet:

Kinda busy. I have another remote healing and an in-person session. I can do them both at the office though if you want.

Scott:

What about your goddess circle?

Janet:

That’s not until Thursday, honey. You know it’s on the full moon.

(She suddenly lights up.)

Oh! I just remembered!

I have a house clearing at 5:00! Do you want to help?

Scott:

Yes! You know I love ghost busting! Have you tuned in yet?

Janet:

Yep, and…

Scott:

Don’t tell me! Don’t tell me! I want to see what I get once we’re there.

Janet:

Ok, honey.

(Grinds Himalayan salt on the sautéed vegetables she’s preparing and smiles.)

The couple that ghost busts together stays together...

The couple that ghost busts together stays together…

Dinner Preparations

(The boys roll in from school as Janet and Scott try to decide whether to make kale salad or quinoa with organic, non-GMO corn as a side for their wild salmon.)

Scott:

Colton, you look really tired.

Colton:

(Yawns)

I was up all night. Teddy was running up and down the hall.

Janet:

Jake, did you hear him?

Jake:

Truth, my dude. I heard him, but I was able to fall back to sleep.

Janet:

Honey, maybe we should do a quick check-in to see what’s going on.

(Janet and Scott both get quiet, close their eyes and drop in to connect with their guides. The boys look at each other, roll their eyes and walk out.)

(15 seconds pass.)

Janet:

What did you get?

Scott:

Lauryn says not to worry and that it’s normal for an earthbound spirit to get rambunctious at times. You?

Janet:

Dee laughed and said, “What do you expect? He’s only 6.”

I guess we knew what we were getting into when we told him that he could stay. I’ll have a talk with him tonight and let him know that he needs to keep it quiet while we’re sleeping.

Post Dinner

(After the salmon and kale salad are finished, the dishes have been loaded and the discussion on personal empowerment has concluded, the intuitive family prepares to retire for the night. Janet hangs back to have her talk with Teddy.)

A Few Minutes Later

Scott:

How did it go with Teddy?

Janet:

Great. He understands that he needs to be quiet after 10:00.

(They head to bed.)

Janet & Scott:

Good night, Colton.

Good night, Jake.

Everyone:

Good night, Teddy!

(They all hear the faint pitter-patter of footsteps down the hall as Teddy heads towards the living room.)

P.S. If you’re interested in having a channeled reading with Scott, click HERE and use promo code CHANNELTUW when you schedule to receive 25{0473702e39d25a70bfcd5e171102f64b71856ab436598b9f1db01fdb76bb4bf8} off your first reading. His readings are loving, insightful and accurate. I love working with the beings (AV: is one of them!) that he brings through!

Is This Even Mine?

So many of us carry around the weight of others and we don’t even realize it. We may wake up feeling great and then notice that our mood quickly shifts once we walk into our office or the grocery store. It may even shift from something we see on line or from the news.

Until we learn to approach this with conscious awareness, we can feel burdened or overwhelmed. But, it’s possible to shift this experience and to come to an understanding around how to hold our own energy without taking on the energy of others as well.

Working with this simple exercise can help you to begin understanding your energetic and physical bodies more fully so that you can begin to discern: Is this mine? Or did I pick it up from someone else?

Creating some body awareness on a daily basis is the key to this exercise.

Take a few minutes in the morning to tune-in. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths from your belly. Allow your energy to settle in your physical frame. Take a few moments to scan your body and just notice it. Is there anything going on with you physically? Try to stay away from judgment; if you feel it, notice it as well and then release it.

Next tune into your heart. How does it feel? Are you anxious? Do you feel fear? Are you dreading anything? Or maybe you feel happy or excited about your life, your day. This exercise is for creating awareness so you don’t have to do anything about any of it if you don’t want to (though with practice, you just may want to! It will start to feel more manageable). Take stock of your mood and any subtleties of it that you notice.

Finally, tune into your aura ~ the energy field that surrounds your physical body. Does it feel light, heavy, dark, sticky, energized or bright? Take a little tour through it as it may feel different in different areas of your field.

You can take a moment here to send back the energy of anyone besides you that is in your field. Just set the intention that it find its rightful owner and envision it traveling away from you to wherever it came from. Next, call back any energy of yours that has taken residence elsewhere. Feel yourself as complete and whole.

This whole process can take anywhere from 5-20 minutes, depending on you and what is going on. Also, you will get more adept at it with time.

The important thing is that now you are aware of your set point, so to speak. While you are out living your way through your day, stop when you notice shifts in your emotions or energy. Ask yourself: Is this mine? If it’s not, send it back to its rightful owner (note: this could be a person or a place). And if it is, allow yourself some curiosity around it and then ask yourself what you can do to give yourself whatever support feels best.

xoxo!

Superpowers Activate!

For most of my life, I knew I was sensitive.

Throughout those years, I equated sensitivity with weakness, pain, overwhelm, anxiety and confusion. I hated being sensitive, and I did my best to mask it and push it down. I did whatever I could to NOT be sensitive. I wanted to be tough, thick-skinned, able to hang with the boys.

Because of this, I denied my authentic self pretty regularly. In fact, I felt a lot of shame around who I was. I acted like I didn’t care and I put on a strong front, while inside I shrank further and further away from myself.

Feeling all the stuff around me caused me to accept blame that wasn’t mine to take on, it led me to a (very!) poor understanding of boundaries and it caused me to live in fear and confusion and to shut down and numb out.

I didn’t understand people or my environment and I had a poor ability to act in alignment with my integrity. “No” was nearly impossible to say (and even more so after being raped) because I didn’t want to “hurt” the other person and then feel responsible for their pain. I just gave in, kept the peace, all the while holding up the façade that all was well. There was as little boat rocking as possible in my seemingly fragile world.

I had a strong knowing of what all the people around me were feeling and yet they told me that they were fine. “Negative” emotions were deemed inappropriate and yet I could feel them all around me. It didn’t make any sense to me. And so I constantly thought of myself as wrong. I doubted myself, my instincts, and my ability to make sound decisions.

It was just too much. So I shut down.

I turned myself off for about 20 years. And during those two decades, I struggled with addiction, anxiety, insomnia, perfectionism, low self-esteem, overwhelm and more. I was a mess.

When I started doing healing work, shortly after my son was born, my intuitive gifts opened up again. It was like someone had ripped a Band-Aid off of me and all of a sudden, I could feel all the pain again. Every last little nerve ending was exposed. It was nearly crushing and I had no idea how to handle it.

It exacerbated problems with my health (empaths often struggle with candida, auto-immune disorders, IBS and more), it affected my relationships and it caused me to experience extreme exhaustion.

I could only do a little bit of healing work per week because I was taking on the stuff of everyone and then carrying it around with me, a little pack mule of other people’s emotions, illness and pain.

I tried cord cutting, bubbles, sage, crystals and more. They helped, but they didn’t solve the problem. My intuition was continuing to open and I still didn’t have the tools to truly help me do it safely. I was struggling and disempowered on my path.

Until I started to receive very clear messages on how to create a permanent shift in my field…information on how to get back into my body and stay there ~ truly scary stuff for an empath!

But the thing is: Once I got safely back into my body, it actually felt so good to be there that I didn’t want to leave it anymore. I could feel other people’s stuff and not take it on!

I had been given tools that created a permanent and empowering shift for me. My sensitivities had turned into superpowers! And once that happened…Wow! They opened even more.

(Note: If you have experienced trauma or have repressed emotions from childhood, I recommend working with my colleague, Elicia Miller. Core emotional healing and inner child work are essential tools as well.)

Most of my clients come to me overwhelmed and confused; I see this happening on a very large scale right now. And so I am feeling called to share these insights and teachings with others. I passionately feel that if we can understand how to go within and embody ourselves fully and strongly ~ if we can trust ourselves from this place of deep connection ~ then our empathy can become one of our greatest gifts and we can open up our intuition in a way that empowers us to be able to positively affect the lives of others. I’ve experienced it myself and seen it work in others as well.

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I have created a live, online class in which we harness the power of the group for even more connection and activation. In this course, you receive:

  • Four live hour-long group sessions
  • Two group healing/activations (live and recorded to be downloaded and kept)
  • Two downloadable meditations
  • Downloadable content
  • Access to a private Facebook group where you can share, practice with one another and receive support from me

We will cover:

  • Feeling Empowered, not Overwhelmed: How to stop feeling tired, drained, anxious, and overly-sensitive in the world
  • Trusting Your Inner Guidance: How to tune into your higher wisdom and know the difference between fear and your intuition
  • Communicating with Your Guides: How to connect and build a relationship with your spirit team
  • Tune Into Your Psychic Senses: How to identify and cultivate the psychic senses of knowing, hearing, feeling, and seeing

This class portions of this course will be held on July 7, 21 & 28 and August 4 from 4:00-5:00 EDT.

For more information about Activate Your Superpowers: Four Ways to Access Your Higher Self, Your Guides and Spirit to Make Life Easier and Have Way More Fun, click HERE.

Being sensitive doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, it can be a blessing.

Much love!

2 Releasing the Bondage of Toxic Shame

Recently it’s been brought to my attention that my “openness” can be uncomfortable to others at times. It provoked an interesting reflection for me, since I spent most of my life buried in secrets.

I remember even as a young child thinking that I needed to keep aspects of myself hidden away as sharing them would show me to be the less-than-perfect human that (of course) I was.

There were always little droplets of shame dusting my existence, since the very beginning of me.

So when I was raped, I knew right where to place it. I took the event, twisted it around in my mind to try to maintain some sense of power in the face of this devastating situation, and then I tucked an entire tome of self-blame and denigration right there along with the rest of it.

I buried it amidst a pile of secrecy and I left it there and I fed it. Each and every day, I added at least a little more. Sometimes I added a lot. Even when I shared my dirty little secrets, it always started with, “Don’t tell anyone this, but…”

The fear of judgment ruled my shame and bled into all areas of my life.

And for a long, long time nothing seemed to help it. I knew that I wanted it to leave me. I was aware that it was harming me, but I struggled and struggled to release it. It wasn’t until I did the deeper work of releasing the repressed emotions along with a lot of energy and body work that I began to feel myself swimming up to the surface.

Once this happened, the shame released. The bundle of emotions that had kept the shame locked into place had moved and with that a tidal wave of energy poured out of me. The place that had been full of all that fear and self-judgment became a beautiful and open space, a neutral vacuum ready to be filled. I knew that I had the say in what went in there and I did not want to go back to the space I had been occupying for most of my life. That had NOT worked for me and I was ready for something new.

I also knew that I wanted to help others who also felt locked in pain, trauma, toxic shame and fear and that I couldn’t do that unless I openly and unapologetically revealed myself to others.

It was scary to very publicly share my experiences. Once on the Internet, always on the Internet. I was aware of this. I knew that the words could not be retracted. I had a few people in my life who really worried about this for me and that was challenging as well.

But I could not repress it again and I couldn’t help others experiencing this same pain if they couldn’t find me. They had to be able to identify me. It was my choice how that could play out: I could put on a modern day Scarlet Letter or I could speak with the voice of someone who had claimed her healing and her power. I chose the latter.

Being open feels natural and normal to me now. I don’t keep secrets and I don’t feel shame in the way that I used to. I don’t share every aspect of my life with every person I meet, but I do get to be authentic and true and genuine about who I am and my experience here in this lifetime.

And honestly…It feels good. I am so much lighter and I breathe so much more freely. I don’t have to cover things up or pretend or hide. I just AM. At times it’s uncomfortable and hard, but mostly it’s freeing. I can just show up and be and hold my space in a way that allows others to also be vulnerable with me. My openness gives others permission to be open too if they choose to accept that invitation. And I like that. It keeps it simple.

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