Tag Archives for " fierce love "

To Love Fiercely and Loudly

My dog loves fiercely and loudly. In fact, the more she loves you, the louder she will express it. When she sees someone she loves, she immediately goes into vocal overdrive.

She’s a 70-pound retriever/coon hound mix, so…you can imagine what that can sound like.

Historically I’ve struggled with her fierce, loud love.

I’ve felt like I needed to subdue it, calm it, quiet it. I’ve often wished it would go away. It’s always felt hard to manage.

Take today at the park across from my house as an example:

First she saw my friend, Laura, who she loves. Then she saw my friend, Annie, who she really loves too. By the time she saw Laura’s daughter, Vivian, who she also adores, the entire neighborhood was echoing with the voices of dogs chiming back at her.

I glanced at Laura with frustration etched across my face and she started laughing.

“She loves fiercely,” she said, lightly flinging my own words right back at me.

“And loudly,” I added. And then I laughed too.


Artemis is showing me what I most need to do. I’ve been focused on loving fiercely and I’ve been determined to share that uninhibited love with those around me. I’ve pledged to play in it, write about it, shower you all with it.

This beautiful and sentient and intuitive beast is showing me how to speak it.

She’s demonstrating how such a love sounds. She allows it to bellow out of her and travel along the wind. It makes all of us perk up our ears and listen.

The best love is the love that breaks through the seams of our existence ~ the love that demands that we howl it out to the world unabashed and unafraid.

It is a primal love that is unchecked and unhindered. It reverberates through the night, calling out to others to join in and share in the chorus. It connects us. It makes us stop in our tracks and take notice.

It is a love that demands of us that we be present to it and move with it.

She is my teacher. I forget that sometimes. But she always shows me what I most need to see. And so again today, I choose to love fiercely. The next time you see me, you’d better watch out:

My love just might knock you off your feet.

Taming the Envy Beast

I was pondering what I would write when I came across this little gem by Meggan Watterson:


It resonated strongly with me, as does so much of her insight and wisdom, but I had the thought that I’d spent a lot of time on the topic lately and maybe I should broach another this week. And then in a session with one of my clients, I heard this affirmation: “I am worthy of fierce and passionate self-love.”

Ok, Spirit, I guess fierce self-love it is.

And so this has nudged me to look at where I’m still withholding love from myself.

I have gotten to this space of feeling really uncomfortable when I find myself feeling envious of others. It happens much less than it used to, but it still shows up at times, almost like a knee-jerk reaction. It feels old and stale and yet it’s there. To exacerbate matters, I dislike the feeling so much that I tend to judge myself for feeling it. This is not a great cycle to get caught up in.

Envy used to be a near constant companion. I always noticed who had what and how they looked and what they were buying. Competition was a way of life and it seemed that after college I was always on the losing team. I had a hard time sincerely celebrating the victories of my friends because I felt so marginalized and depleted. I felt highly victimized by my circumstances and so I remained for years in a state of powerlessness that reinforced the experience over and over again.

The major shift began to occur as a few things fell into place. One was that I began doing the work to find my way to truly and sincerely loving myself. Once I began to experience my own value, I began to see that reflected back to me in my life. This showed up in many different ways – sobriety, jobs that felt better, nicer living spaces, relationships that were uplifting, and now in an amazing healing practice that I adore. Little by little, I began to dig myself out of the hole of self-hatred.

And now I’ve arrived in a space of enough openness that I notice these little bites of envy very clearly when they pop up and they feel really dissonant and heavy to me. I can sense the density and constriction of them and I don’t like it.

So I’m tuning in and I’m asking: What do I need to be giving myself more of so that I can feel even more connected to others? And I find that the more I clear myself of the limiting beliefs and patterns of “not enough-ness”, the more I can feel complete connection and love to and for myself and others.

My life is really great now in a very deep and meaningful way. I have more prosperity in all areas and the constantly degrading worry of how I was going to pay my bills and make it through the month is a thing of the past. I have a richness in all areas of my life that I didn’t even know possible. And so when envy’s destructive little head rears itself, I’m the first to admit that it’s not something that I want tarnishing my day.

It’s my responsibility to keep on. Every time I feel it, I have to ask myself: What is really going on here? Where am I not serving myself? What is it within me that is asking to be healed? What aspect of me is looking to be loved?

If I can stay present and curious, I can find that love within me that is fierce and protective and that wants more than anything to thrive from an authentic expression of who I truly am. My higher self knows this and she wants me to kick-ass, so she likes to point out areas in which I need to grow and stretch and challenge myself. And these days, I’m grateful for it.

Fierce Love

So far today I’ve done all the things I can in order to not do this one thing that I need to do, which is sit down and write something really honest about what’s going on so that I can share it here.

I’ve been asking to open my heart more, to connect more fully with Spirit, and to allow that love to pour through me more fully (I wrote another post on this topic not too long ago). I’ve been asking to be more of a vessel and channel for this love so that I can be more of service to myself and others. It has become a deep desire to feel myself fully and to allow others to do the same when they are with me.

And it’s been so so beautiful and so so hard.

The most difficult part for me has been in the relationships closest to me. As I opened more, I felt myself pull away from those that not only love me the most, but that demand the most of me. In anticipating the next steps – the full, fierce honesty of deep intimacy – I began to push and pull. I began to notice the things that divided rather than the things that unite. I focused on what would keep me from having to 100% show up.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode even writing this, and I’m not sure if it’s with fear or joy or both. But I asked to have it crack wide open with love and now that it’s happening I feel my frailty, my vulnerability, my fears. I hear the past whispering in my ear, “This will hurt you too. Remember what happened before…”

I was seduced by it for a moment. I allowed it to sway my actions, to shut me down. And I felt myself pull, protect, withdraw.

Honest, truly intimate, this-is-who-I-really-am love isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it’s fucking hard. But surface love never fully satisfied me. I always wanted more, but I was scared to truly put my heart on my sleeve and go after it.

So now as I fall deeper into my heart and as I allow it to open wider and wider, I have a choice to make: Do I pick and choose convenient love or do I love fiercely, fully, and completely?

I choose the latter today, despite the fact that tears are forming in my eyes at the thought of it. And because I do, I did ask for help, for more intimacy, for a deeper connection. Instead of running away from, I ran toward it. It scares the hell out of me, but I’m doing it anyway. I must. In honoring this love, this opening, I honor myself and my soul and each and every one of you.