Tag Archives for " growth "

Grace, Vulnerability and Joy

A piece that I wrote two years ago popped up this morning as a memory on Facebook. It’s a piece on vulnerability that I wrote as I was in the midst of creating radical change in my life (you can find the full blog post HERE).

Not only did accessing a deeper state of vulnerability contribute powerfully to this change, but it opened me up to a much deeper state of grace. And then that heightened state of grace allowed me to be more vulnerable, and so forth and so on in this beautiful dance that I’ve been engaging in over the past several years.
Lately I’ve been really feeling this again. I chose FULLexpression as my word for the year, and as intentions will do, I’ve been nudged over and over again to express myself in ways that have been challenging. I’ve had to be even more forthcoming with my emotions and be even more present to what is happening within me.

It’s been hard and it’s also been ~ again ~ full of grace.

Vulnerability seems to be revealed in layers and with each one that we strip away, a new rawness emerges to be addressed. This excerpt from what I wrote particularly struck me as I read my post again, two years of growth and development later:
“It takes courage to be vulnerable because it is really terrifying to open our hearts and expose them to the world. It is fiercely powerful to be seen without the armor, to come out from hiding with our hearts on our sleeves. It takes strength, resolve and maybe even a dash of insanity. But as we do the work, as we get stronger and feel more empowered from our core, our ability to be vulnerable begins to show itself as a gift rather than a danger.”
I am in awe when I see people being open and vulnerable because I feel like I’m receiving a gift from them…It is the true pearl within the oyster, the wisdom and strength that inspires me to grow and stretch myself even more and even when it would seem easier not to do so.
And I aim to do the same, through my words and one-on-one with my friends, family and clients. By sharing from my heart, I allow others to know that they are honored and held by me and that they have permission to do the same.
Sometimes it is really hard, but it is always liberating. I love more deeply, more fully, more richly when I open myself up in this way.

Sharing from the heart creates relief, space and connection. It opens us up to experiencing a vast array of emotions, which ultimately leads to a greater capacity for joy as well. It allows us to be fully US, our awesome, lovely, sloppy, clumsy, authentic selves.

I absolutely adore that version of you! 

1 Dimmer Switch

I just got back from spending three intense and inspiring days with my business mentor, Monica Shah. Every time I connect with her, I shift, change and grow in ways I didn’t even know were possible.

I had so so so many aha moments over those three days, and perhaps one of the most significant shifts is around how I show up in the world.

I noticed that I have a tendency to put a certain amount of myself out into the world and that once I reach this self-conceived limit, I start to pull back. This measurement seems to hold true regardless of what it is I’m sharing (or not sharing as the case may be). It could be a particular aspect of myself, a program, a service, my life in general or a component of my growth.

I hesitate out of fear of being too much. And that subconscious belief has held me back from sharing my gifts more fully with others. It has held me back from service and it has held me back from receiving as well.

I’ve been shining my light at about 65% capacity.

I don’t want to do that anymore. I have spent years getting to the truth of who I am so that I can show myself as authentically as possible in any given moment. But authenticity only rings fully true if it is without censor, without dimming. It can only show up as true when fully accepted, honored and shined.

And so as I move into a New Year for opportunity and growth, I am turning inward in search of how I can really grow. Growth doesn’t happen without expansion, which means that I must be willing to shine more brightly rather that to keep the dimmer switch on.

I’m still reflecting on what my word for the New Year might be. This year’s was ACTIVATION and the previous one was EXPANSION. Both proved to be extremely powerful for me. And the energy of both still fit…Despite holy moly growth with both, there is more waiting for me to unveil, unravel, unfold…And I feel inspired to go deep and go big.

And what about you? Where do you hold back and how can you shine that light a little more brightly? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.

I love you and I’m grateful for you!


4 Eliciting Intimacy

When I set the intention to journey into more intimacy in all of my relationships, I wasn’t certain what that would mean for me and others in my life.

A part of me thought that I would be met with wide-open arms, and in some instances that was the case. A few of my relationships deepened immensely and there is a beautiful richness to them that allows for soul-baring honesty, profound support, and limitless love. These connections are nourishing me in ways that I never even knew possible. In addition to the increase of emotional intimacy in these friendships, the openness in my heart has fostered an even deeper connection with Spirit, which has spilled over into all of my interactions with others.


The work of deepening intimacy and vulnerability also afforded me the opportunity to experience a new type of romantic love, one that has shown me what it is to be held fully and completely in all areas of my life. This relationship precludes shame-blame energy, which in return, promotes honesty and truly open communication. It fosters a heart-to-heart connection that has opened me to experiencing myself in new ways.

This process was not easy. I had to be really brave and I had to constantly ask myself: How can I go deeper? How can I reveal myself in a way that feels authentic, true, and safe?

A part of what I realized was that as I have grown to feel safer and more secure in my own life, as I have embodied myself more fully, I have been able to create a strong foundation of self-trust and confidence that in turn has created an ability to trust the process of increased vulnerability. I feel safer opening to others because for the first time in many, many years, I feel safe in my body.

That doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt when my advances for more intimacy weren’t met. It also doesn’t mean that I didn’t experience sadness when it was revealed that the dynamics of some relationships weren’t equal.

It did convey that I had to look deep within my own heart to examine what it was calling forth of me to acknowledge and honor. I entered into another layer of healing and I looked at my pain as honestly as I could to see if and where I was holding myself or others away.

But even when others didn’t meet me head on, there was an overall increase in the depth of all of my connections and the flow of energy around me, from the teller at the bank to the drivers on the road around me to my family and friendships.

Sometimes this process was messy. And sometimes it was full of grace. At times I was triggered and at others I was embraced.

But it was always truthful. It was always heartfelt. It was always me, standing before another with my heart on my sleeve.


Endless Love

I used to subscribe to the belief that there was a finite amount of everything and that I had to compete with others to get what I wanted. Oftentimes, for me, after years fraught with competitive misery and injury, that meant just dropping out of the race. If I didn’t think that I had a chance at winning, I just wouldn’t play. And so I started to take a back seat in my own life after years of trying to force my way to the front.

These two elements – strive to win or drop out of sight – were my modus operandi and they showed up in all areas of my life. I strove to get straight A’s because I had to be in school but after receiving a Master’s Degree (in a field that I enjoyed but didn’t really want to work in), I ducked out of sight so that I wouldn’t have to compete for a job or step out of my comfort zone into a situation in which I might potentially fail.

It showed up during my years of waiting tables – I had to have the most tables in order to make the most money, and while I never stole tables from my co-workers, I would stay late and push myself harder in order to come out ahead.

It appeared in my relationships in that I was always afraid that there was “x” amount of love and that if I made a mistake or said the wrong thing, I would chip away at what was there until I would eventually lose all of the love that there was.

It affected my beliefs around money because I worried that there was only a certain amount available to me and if I spent what I had then there wouldn’t be any left.

There was never enough because I never believed that I was enough. I didn’t believe in me and so I didn’t trust that I could be cared for, nurtured and loved by others and especially by Spirit (I spent most of my life fearing that everyone else would be taken care of but not me). I never felt deserving or worthy of love.

I remember when the shift began and for the first time I understood that this is a Universe (multi-verse) of infinite potential. I was doing tons of work at the time – my life was dedicated to my healing process as if it were life or death. And it was, not because I was suicidal, but because I couldn’t fathom another 40 or 50 years of numbness and emotional pain.

And so I found myself in my first somewhat normal relationship ever in that it didn’t involve the use of alcohol or drugs. What I didn’t realize was that he too believed that there was a finite amount of love available in the world and he worried constantly that he wasn’t getting enough. He was jealous of lovers past, worried that if I still felt anything for them, it meant I felt less for him. He was jealous of my son, believing that if I had to give 70% of the 100% of love available to my son, it wouldn’t leave enough for him.

I remember that exact conversation in which I fully got it, in which I understood so deeply that love is as expansive and open and infinite in potential as we allow it to be. I never felt like I had to manage my love output. I had an open source of love with my son, with him, with my family and friends. I could give everyone as much love as I wanted to! And if I could give everyone as much love as I wanted to, well, shit. Then I could receive as much love from everyone as I could.

From this shift in understanding, I was able to understand that the field is infinite in ALL potential. It was a slow-ish process at first. I got that there was enough for everyone intellectually but it was still hard to process within the realm of a world that continues to argue and fight wars over resources.

Because I had believed that there were a finite amount of opportunities and clients, I kept working in restaurants – the seemingly safe choice. There’s no shame in that work, but in my heart, I knew that I was still there only because I wasn’t connecting to my soul work. I had to get to that place of truly understanding that everything is ever-expanding and that the field of potential continues to grow in direct proportion to the amount of people that plug into it. Every client that Sue gets translates to more people stepping into the field. And now that I have done the work of knowing and trusting that I am more than enough and divinely supported, my people will find me (if I’m not hiding) just as Sue’s people will find her.

I also had to know deep down that I deserved to be happy and to have the job of my dreams and that I would be supported in it. This came from a sense of trust that most of the time I don’t know how things are going to happen or how they are going to work out. I keep my nose out of my own narrow-minded expectations these days and trust that I will be shown which steps to take. When I am successful with this, miracles happen. Magic unfolds. Life becomes easier and more fun.

The results: My business has grown, my opportunities have increased, I’ve connected with so many more people and I’ve experienced so much more simply because I took the lid off of my life. Today – and every day – I feel blessed. Even when things get hard, I feel blessed. And the truly magical piece of all this? The more I believe it and align with it, the more things open up for me, and as a result, for all those I support and love (and ever outwards in the field of infinite potential).

Life Beyond the Comfort Zone

Neale Donald Walsch said that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Personally, I have experienced a lot of truth in this over the years, though I’ve come to realize something really important within the statement. Life hums along regardless of whether or not we’re pushing to stretch ourselves. I believe that what he really meant was more fantastical than that. The life we came here to lead – one that is ever expansive and magical – is what occurs when we edge ourselves beyond our comfort zone.

Right now I’m on a flight to Costa Rica with my friend and colleague, candida expert Elicia Miller. As we were taking off, I got a bit teary. I experienced this moment of reflection in which I saw myself a mere five years ago, struggling to get by in a job that was unfulfilling, scared of the future and knowing deep, deep down that there had to be more. More what…I wasn’t quite certain, but I knew that I didn’t come here to be frightened of life’s offerings or stuck in a situation that seemed overbearing and stagnant at the same time.

Progress was slow for me at that time because I was still unwilling to really test my boundaries; I felt safe hugging the borderline of my existence, which was riddled with perceived limitations.

Slow motion forward to two years later: I stumbled into a Jennifer Pastiloff workshop through my yoga studio and it was like the rug was pulled out from under me, only instead of falling, I performed a flip and landed in a whole new layer of existence. Years of digging deep and doing lots of healing work that had yet to coalesce all crumbled in an instant. I experienced a white light moment in which I finally understand on a deep-down, cellular level that if I wanted things to change, I was going to have to really do things differently.

I started that day. I vowed to do one thing a day that scared me, whether that was opening a piece of mail, making a phone call I was avoiding, trying something new for dinner, or enrolling in a new program of study. Every day I pushed the limits of what I thought was possible for me. I challenged myself to act in alignment with what I truly wanted for myself.

It was scary and there were times that I kicked and screamed my way through it. I cried a lot. I processed a lot. But I also laughed a lot – deep belly laughs that rocked my soul from the inside out. It was hard and it was precious. It still is.

And now here I am, almost three years later to the date. I am successful in my healing practice and I work with clients and colleagues who are so amazing that it blows my mind on a daily basis. I get to share love, Spirit, healing, and joy with others and I feel more connected than ever. Every day is more expansive and full than the one before it. I and my life are not without challenges, but they don’t stop me anymore. In fact, they push me to uncover and explore the woman I came here to be.

I’m flying high over Central America right now. I’m leading my first retreat and I couldn’t be more excited about the direction my life is heading. Almost every step through this Break Free from Candida retreat planning process pushed me to overcome apprehensions and fears and I did it. I felt the fear and I did it anyway.

As I look forward in my life these days, I see magic and mystery, and I feel a great, insatiable curiosity.


Stretching the Boundaries of Me

I’ve been writing a lot on communication lately, mostly because it is what is up for me in a big, big way. I’ve been working on my ability to share and trust and be vulnerable with others for years. Expressing myself through speech challenges me in so many ways that I always feel like I’m chasing after a different tail.

What I’m realizing though is that being vulnerable in this way is one of the things that I desire most in the world. I set intentions around it, I write about it, I talk to the few people that know me the most about it. I ask Spirit daily to show me how I can express myself more authentically through spoken word and how I can be even more genuine and true on a deep level in my communications with others.

And then, dammit, so much to my chagrin, Spirit answers my prayers, and it can be so, so hard.

My comfort zone is continuously being stretched. I had a huge breakthrough just a week ago, and then the zone was stretched again. Immediately! Just like that. I spoke up, I spoke out, I shared; I did it and then I still had to do more.

The truth is that I am doing it, and sometimes it is just plain difficult. It’s got me tongue-tied and twisted up and it’s interfering with my writing. I wrote a piece to share and realized that what I wrote was actually me avoiding sharing. It felt empty and hollow, like I was speaking from the inside of a shell and all the sounds were just bouncing around.

The only way out is through. This is almost always the truth with emotional release and pattern work. We can heal and we can face our demons and fears, but we can only face them by looking them square in the eyes.

This requires that I look at myself square in the eyes, and that can be hard. But I notice that I’m getting better and better at spotting my BS. The truth of the matter is that at some point a few years ago I got tired of myself and of all of my excuses and justifications for why I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. And I called uncle. I (mostly) surrendered and I committed to really moving through my fears.

The fear around being able to share my authentic self through spoken words is the most difficult. I actually might jump out of an airplane before I told you what is really going on in a conversation if I thought that I might lose or hurt you. I can talk all day through my fingers, but out loud…that is an entirely different story.

I know that I make the choice every day about how I express myself. And so despite the fear that is rushing down on me right now, I am searching for any words, regardless of how clumsy they might be, to say what I’m really feeling. I am just moving sound through me so that I can build that muscle, and allowing myself the space to work through this in my time. I have to remember that I asked for this, and I have to trust that my growth process is continuous and ever-expansive because I have chosen for it to be so. In the end, I am grateful that the words are coming to me and working their way through me, regardless of how clumsy they are. Pattern shifting is seldom easy when the patterns are so ingrained, but I’m up for it. Life is better every day that I take a step through a fear, even when it renders me with glassy eyes and wet cheeks. I have learned that the freedom and joy that I experience on the other side of it are always worth the work to get there.

Acknowledge, Accept, Allow: The Unfolding of Our Selves

Our feelings are our soul whispering to us so that we may better understand our values, our aspirations and our dreams.

When we pay attention to them, we know who or what to avoid, which situations don’t agree with us and which do; we are able to navigate our personal realm and the world in a way that upholds us.

Most of us are taught from a very young age that our feelings are not to be valued, shared or expressed. We are shown by our caretakers and society in general that the outward expression of our emotions, unless they are those of joy (though even those can be discredited by some), is dangerous and undesirable. We learn to push them down and away, tucking them into a corner of our psyche that is hidden and feels safe.

In the meantime, we put on a strong face and pretend that everything is okay. We tell others that we are fine, even when we are not. We look away when something hurts us and put the needs of others before our own so that everything remains copasetic on the surface. We become masters of disguise, portraying only what has been deemed appropriate and comfortable for others.

And then over the course of our lifetimes, we add more dust and dirt to the piles that already exist within us. We shut down and then begin to look for ways to numb the ever-more-anxious-to-escape emotions that are simmering below the surface. We may even begin to express emotions inappropriately, yelling at a server because the restaurant is out of the item you want for dinner or at our spouse for not ironing a shirt just the way we like it.

What happens is that our emotions don’t know how to lie. They don’t know how to withhold truth and bury themselves away. We have them so that they can guide us through our lives, alerting us to things that aren’t in alignment with our soul values and celebrating with/for us when they are.

Our feelings are our soul whispering to us so that we may better understand our values, our aspirations and our dreams.

When we pay attention to them, we know who or what to avoid, which situations don’t agree with us and which do; we are able to navigate our personal realm and the world in a way that upholds us.

When we repress them, they beg to escape. This may begin as a whisper that something doesn’t feel right. If we continue to ignore the whisper, it will get louder. It will become a plea and ultimately a yell for us to pay attention, to get right with ourselves. This yell usually manifests as some sort of dis-ease or injury. For example, when we repress anger and feelings of disempowerment, our body might respond with a condition of disempowerment, such as candida, in which the healthy balance of our gut is disrupted and unhealthy bacteria take over or an auto-immune disease, in which our body begins to seemingly attack itself. All emotions need to be expressed, so we can choose to do so in the moment, or we can wait until they bust out in a condition that requires medical or healing intervention.

It’s never too late to begin connecting with our emotions. The first step is to simply acknowledge them. When you find yourself feeling frustrated, simply stop and say, “I feel you. I hear you. I understand that there is something here for me to look at.” You might even thank the frustration for bringing to your attention something that wants to be known.

Next, accept the emotion as-is, no questions asked. Denial doesn’t help anything. As much as we try to make an emotion into something that it’s not (“If I just pretend I’m happy, this anger will go away”), we cannot force it to change. It just is. When we can accept the emotion that has presented itself at the point that we are at in that moment in time, then we can begin to move forward.

Next, we want to allow the emotion to show itself. Be a detective and trace it back. When you feel the anger or sadness or frustration arise, follow the trail. Are you really upset about what just happened or did it trigger something else? Journaling is really helpful for this activity. Try not to judge what you write or how you feel; just let it flow. Other methods of discovery could be meditation, energy work and hypnotherapy, to name just a few.

Once we have pinpointed the root cause of the emotion, we want to find a way to express it (note: we can express is at any time in a healthy way, but we will still always need to eventually get to the root cause and those emotions that have been buried). A lot of us have repressed anger as it is an emotion that has been labeled as very unsafe to let out. Screaming into or punching a pillow can be useful (I recommend having a pillow that is just for this). Ripping pages out of a phone book feels great too. Writing a letter that you later rip up or safely burn also works well. There are many ways, just be sure that you have given yourself space and time to process your emotions and that you do so in a way that is safe for you and others.

As we begin to work through this process, an amazing thing happens: We begin to understand ourselves more fully. We learn what we like and don’t like and we are able to connect to ourselves on a deeper level. We feel ourselves aligning with our higher self and our intuition opens up. We begin to process emotions and we are able to find a higher baseline of “feeling good.” Simply put, life becomes richer.

Nice + Assertive = Authentic + Empowered

Assertiveness can be very difficult. Most of us have grown up during a time in which we are taught to put the needs of others over our own. We are often shown that the happiness of those around us is more important than ours and that we should do whatever it takes to maintain peace in a relationship. For those of us too who are sensitive to the energies of others, assertiveness can feel risky: What if we hurt their feelings? What happens if they don’t like what we say? We often choose the perceived peace of mind of another over our own needs.

Being assertive and establishing healthy personal boundaries took me years to understand and it still challenges me constantly. Historically, it has been hard for me to ask for what I need. It has always seemed easier/safer/calmer to just step back and allow others to do what they needed to do, even when it meant that my needs weren’t being met. I was terrified of being rejected and/or frightened that I might hurt the other person by asking for what felt right for me. Ultimately, though, my passivity meant that I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own feelings; I was instead placing my emotional wellbeing in the hands of others while simultaneously not supplying them with all of the information.

I love this equation that a client’s guides passed on to her through me the other day: nice + assertive = authentic + empowered. I spent a lot of time being nice + passive. What this ultimately engendered was a sense of resentment towards those that I was allowing to overstep boundaries with me. I assumed others should just know how I felt, and I was afraid I would be pushed away if I spoke up and shared my feelings openly and fully. And so time and again, the problem became a snowball that would quickly pick up steam as it rolled down and ever-steepening hill.

Eventually I learned that everybody is responsible for their own emotions. This doesn’t give me or anyone else the right to treat someone poorly, but it does demand of us that we be honest and allow the other person in question the opportunity to respond in the way that is true to them. Assertiveness engenders respect for ourselves and the people in our lives. It asks us to put our needs in a place of importance; it predicates that we be accountable to ourselves and that we suit up and show up in our lives.

It also shows others that we care enough about them to be honest, open and vulnerable with them. We get the opportunity to show the people that we choose to have in our life that we trust them with our essential being. It is a way of being true to all involved and it fosters a connection in which all parties trust their ability to speak up and be heard without shame or fear. When we are able to share of ourselves in this way, we have an opportunity to express ourselves in a manner that is empowering versus cowering in a state of very disempowered martyrdom.

My heart still skips a beat or two when I think about opening so fully to someone in this way, but I know that if I’m not genuine with others, my heart will close off just a little bit more each time. I know that I can’t go back to the darkness that I used to feel when I was too scared to be me. If I am to continue to grow and expand, I must continue to be open and to take risks. I must trust myself and those that are near and dear to me. If they reject me for being me, then I must know that this person is just not a match to who I most am. I have to believe in myself fully and completely and above all else, even when it feels nearly impossible to do so. The fear is very real, but the reward? The reward is empowerment, freedom and the sense of being in true alignment with my soul. It is a knowing as well that the people that are in my life love me with full knowledge of who I am and what I need from them. There are no guessing games or manipulations or walls to maneuver around. It’s just us, two people, connecting heart to heart and soul to soul, and that is truly amazing.

Yes!!!!! (And Then Some)


I attended a great event this past week with a wonderful business coach, Monica Shah. I went in with the intention that I wanted to learn how to organize my time and energy better so that I can increase my sales. I have been blessed to be in a line of work (play, really) that I adore and lately I’ve been starting with many new clients and my base is growing quite nicely. 

What I discovered, though, is that I’m still holding myself back. That is not to say that I haven’t been doing a lot of really great things, because I have. I was actually shocked to see all of the progress that I’ve been making in my business: It’s fantastic and it feels great! That said, I have hugged the lines of safety in many areas and instances and I’ve been afraid to open fully to setting up a business model that will allow me – and my clients – to fully thrive.

And as I’ve been scrambling to some extent to earn money, I haven’t been able to hone in on what I really do best, which is help others go through major life transitions. What I discovered over the last few days is: The more I step into my power and let my light shine, the more space I create for those I work with to do the same.

I looked closely at my clients that are fully committed to their healing process and making incredible strides in their lives. They are shifting and changing and growing and doing amazing things like transitioning careers in order to move into one they truly love, writing books, leaving unhappy relationships and/or opening up to love again. Miracles and magic are an everyday part of my life because of the transformations that I get to take part in with them. 

Miracles and magic are happening in my life too and I want to continue along on this beautiful ride. In order to do that, I’ve decided to create a lot of changes in the way I run my business, starting with adding some exciting breakthrough programs to the line-up and exploring ways in which I can be so fully in my power that I am able to be of the highest amount of service to those that play this beautiful game of expansion with me.

Within this process, I am also letting go of a few things that have been very special to me over the past two years, but that are creating energy leaks that are holding me back from what I feel my true purpose to be. And so I’m breaking up with all things Totem Guidance. I’ve let go of the Facebook page and I’m releasing the weekly reading. Thank you so much to all of you that have supported it and loved it right along with me, and I look forward to seeing what the next chapter brings us.

When we say “Yes” to Spirit, open our hearts to her, and release that which holds us back, she provides us with as many exclamation points as we are open to receiving. I’m ready for the next step, for the something more. How about you?

Settling Into the Possibility of Me

I’ve never been much for resolutions although I do adore intentions. Because of this, when a friend of mine suggested choosing a word that I wished to explore in the upcoming year, I jumped at the opportunity. And it seemed to be just that: a big, fat, juicy opportunity. My word immediately bounced into my consciousness: Expansion.

I loved the way it slid off of my tongue and the charge that my energy body got from it. Honestly, it felt delicious…I savored the chance to roll it around in my mouth, to talk and share about it, and to begin the initial stages of exploration of it. At the time a lot of very rapid growth was unfolding for me and I felt a little high, to be honest, and “expansion” felt like taking another hit off of a joint.

I enjoyed taking my word to bed with me every night and waking up with it every morning for about two weeks, until the actual New Year rolled around. And now here we are, seven days into 2015, and I am noticing that the fear has crept in and settled around the fringes of my word. I feel disorganized and confused, hazy, apprehensive, and pensive. It’s like a withdrawal, only I am the only one that can provide myself with the next hit and I just feel like a hamster spinning a wheel.

I have a list of things to do that seem expansive to me: organize finances, restructure my time, write every day (oh to finally get this one right!), and keep up my meditation practice (to name a few). All of a sudden, my beautiful word has turned into a big, scary resolution, and I feel like I’m floundering.

What I’m noticing is that I’m running five miles ahead of where I actually am. My mind is in the “what-ifs” of the future and already judging me for not doing what I may or may not be doing a week, month, or year from now. Already, I’m allowing myself to assume that I’m not going to follow through or be able to live up to my idea of expansion.

A balloon doesn’t go from empty to inflated in one breath. It takes time and perseverance and slow and steady breathing. If I go too fast, I run the risk of exploding or running out of air. It’s in this moment that I need to step back, settle into my body, and ask myself what the hell is going on.

I’m restless to be where I want to end up. I actually see – and believe in – a whole lot of possibility for me, which is something completely new to me. And now that I see it I want to leap to it. I have to remember to get back to where I am, which is right here at the computer with a choice: Do I open a Word document and put my fingers on the keyboard and write, or do I open the Facebook tab and take a look at what is going on around me rather than within me?

Right now, I choose to write. I am taking this road because I want to feel like I accomplished something important to me today. I’m not even going to look at the message that just popped up on my screen. I may not feel that way later today, and certainly I can make time to view the world around me. Expansion can be aided by the external, but I do realize that my personal growth, my intention, my drive is accelerated by the burgeoning strength within me. I want to continue to fuel the flame that was recently stoked, despite the fact that growth has historically scared me. I want to be present to the little victories as well – by noticing that I was courageously honest with someone I am beginning to care deeply about, and the fact that I’m enrolled in a teleclass that is helping me open to the vast possibility of me. I’m excited about the woman I’m becoming and in order to remain charged it’s important to meet myself right where I am, which is right here at the table, with my fingers clicking on the keyboard, grateful to be honoring what I feel to be my higher purpose.