Tag Archives for " Open heart "

12 THIS

Y’all, something really good is happening over here.

Those of you who read my words on a regular basis know that I set huge intentions last year around opening my heart up.

I peered into lots of darkness to find the light in the cracks so that I could split them wide open.

And now a sweet, soul-pounding revolution is taking place within this little frame that has opened me up to so much goodness that I’m just overflowing with it.

It was so so so scary to open myself up like I did, but it was like a compulsion that needed to be uncorked. I knew that if I was to do the work that I came here to do, I would have to be completely honest – not just with you, but most importantly – with myself.

That meant that I had to go even deeper.

I had to question my motives and my desires.

When something hurt or I was triggered, I explored it to its depths.

I went within; I went without. I found support when I needed it and trusted myself when it was up to me to find the answers.

I upturned blocks and peeked around the corners of my being. If I saw something that wanted attention, I addressed it.

There were times when I put it off and there were times when I ran in the other direction. But with every twist and turn I gently and lovingly pulled myself back to me.

And because I was persistent and because I was tenacious it has happened.

I wasn’t sure what “it” was when I embarked on this stage of my growth, but I knew I wanted whatever “it” was.

What I’ve discovered is that this “it” is a treasure that we all already hold within. It’s held within the core of our essence and it lives and breathes in our heart space and when we take all of the boards and walls and everything else we’ve shrouded it in down, the most amazing magic is sparked.

This magic sings out to all those who can hear it and when they tune into the melody…Well, you know, it may sound cliché, but a symphony is formed.

This music is manifesting in all areas of my life right now. Even as I write these words, the tears of resonance and joy jump from my eyes. It is showing up in my business, and I’m teaming up with the most wonderful people to bring some really great programs and retreats to life (for the one I’m planning with Elicia Miller, click here – it can put you well on this path too); it is manifesting in my personal life (juicy details will have to wait until later, but MAN, this feels electrifying); it is reverberating through my friendships, and I feel even closer to those I love.

This is why we do this.

This is exciting and alive and powerful and vibrant. Even when it hurts, and even when it is hard, it is transformative and empowering.

I LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you.

The One Thing

Today I am 43, and this is what I do know: The more I open my heart, the better it gets. It only took me 42 years to figure that one out, but the more I adhere to the principle, the more I get out of it. The return rewards are quick, tangible and delicious. There has been so much good happen in my life in the past year that I can hardly believe it.

It hasn’t been without its hardships, though. The thing is that the more flexible and expansive that I become, the more I don’t fit into my old mold. I suppose that it is life’s little irony that the more you open the less you are able to inhabit the space you once occupied.

I remember an incident that occurred a little over four years ago. I was in the park with a friend, someone that I was very close to and that held a lot of influence over me for a very long period of time. We were talking to someone that we’d just met, sharing dog stories, when this stranger asked what we did for a living. I responded that I was a writer, which I was.  I had spent the previous five years earning money for putting words onto a piece of paper, which technically would qualify me as one. I haven’t been nominated for a Pulitzer, and most of my work was in very small publications, but the fact of the matter is: I wrote and people gave me money to do so.

A few hours later, though, this person that had a lot of influence over me said, “Why did you say you were a writer? You’re not a writer.”

That was one of those comments that crush your spirit, if you let it, and boy, did I let it. I allowed a whole lot of doubt and self-hatred and insecurity and ICK to just creep in there and take over. I froze. I felt all of my dreams and all of my aspirations just slip away. At the time, I had been working on a novel and I was about 150 pages in, which is a lot of writing. It stopped. Not a peep from me since that moment. Not a word despite the fact that other people, one of whom I really trust and who had a great track record of supporting me, told me that it was great. I’ve taken it out and looked at it a few times; I even printed it out once, but then I dropped it and all the pages got mixed up and I just put it away again because, who am I kidding, I’m not a writer.

It seems so unbelievable to me now that I let this person tell me who I was, but I have let a lot of people tell me who I am and who I am not over the years, mostly because I did not know who I was. I had to look outside of myself for the answers, and while I realized that many of them were unreliable, I had nothing to truly measure them against – no personal yardstick of Janet to allow me to define myself.

I was so closed. I was so closed that I couldn’t allow the sunshine in, and all I could do was sit in the darkness, afraid to move, afraid to act, afraid to take a chance doing something that I loved lest someone tell me that I was quixotic for doing so.

It took me four years to reclaim that spot, which was tenuous at best before. I mean, if I had any sense of who I was, I never would have allowed anyone else to tell me who I wasn’t.  But now I do know, and I claim it with conviction: I am Janet. I am a writer; I am a facilitator of healing for others. I am open.

the-one-thing

And being open has brought the most wonderful changes into my life. I am in love, for one. I have returned to school to study something that I am passionate about (versus what I did when I was younger, which was to get a Master’s Degree in something that I liked but that held no long term interest for me), I have started a blog so that I can write, and I have met an abundance of amazing people lately that hold the same interests as me and that support me in everything that I am doing. The more I open my heart, the more I fill up with love. It may be quixotic, but I’m not above chasing windmills these days.  In fact, I kind of like it.