Tag Archives for " transformation "

8 When You Stay Stuck in a Story…

…you give your power away.

Truth be told, most of us love a good story. An account well-told captivates us; it brings us together and allows us to feel solidarity and connection with others.

In fact, a catchy story played over and over in our own heads can be just as mesmerizing. Typically the plot lines of these stories follow one of two general layouts, either the I’m-the-victim-of-all-of-it plot or the I’m-to-blame-for-all-of-it version (which is also really a variation of the victim story). Sometimes there is even a middle ground that shifts between the two.

Regardless of which adaptation we are telling ourselves, when we hit repeat on the player, we are in effect keeping ourselves in a place of disempowerment. We are telling ourselves over and over again that: “this ~ and only this ~ is how it is.” Much of the time, we’ve written our version into a tragedy because drama sells.

So when the version of the story is one that doesn’t serve our growth, not only can it quickly become stifling ~ it can seemingly smother us. When this happens, we begin to feel anxious, overwhelmed, isolated and alone.

For years I told myself that life was a struggle. I had been victimized and I played that reel over and over again. As a result, the story bled into most areas of my life. I truly believed that I wasn’t enough and that I didn’t have enough value and so, in turn, I never perceived that there was enough available for me.

Turning this belief around was huge. I was attached to my story that life was hard and that I was a perpetual victim of circumstance. And so I continued to struggle and I continued to be victimized. Becoming a single mom further perpetuated the myth I’d created because I then bought into the societal belief that being a single mom is really hard.

And it is really challenging. I’m not downplaying the amount of dedication it takes to be a single mom (or any type of mom or dad for that matter). But I did stop buying into the international best-selling version of the story, which is that single moms don’t have enough money, time or support to raise their children the way other families do.

I decided to rewrite my as-yet-uncharted history ~ to create the unfolding that I truly wanted to claim. Now, updating this story didn’t happen overnight. I had to unravel years and years of personal and societal brainwashing.

I had to heal my emotional wounds. I had to process, cry, scream, laugh, journal my big ol’ heart out, and really dig deep into my psyche and my awareness. It was a complete overhaul of my raison d’être. It was messy and sloppy and so so so beautiful all at once.

But I did it. And thank goddess ~ because I’m not struggling anymore.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments that are hard because there are plenty. What it does mean is that: I’m not defined by not being able to get through my hard moments. I get through them by moving the emotions and energy around them. And when I do that, the record changes. It’s a living and breathing story that allows for expansion and growth rather than holding me in a pattern of stagnation and constriction.

I’ve moved from victim to hero in my story. I say hero because I saved myself. And in the saving of myself, I created a better environment around me. This means that my child benefits, as do my friends, my family, my clients, my neighbors and the world at large. How wonderful it has been to take one more version of the stress/lack/scarcity paradigm out of the field and to replace it with a vibration of faith!

I’ve rewritten many stories in the last several years, and one of them is my money story. A part of that was giving up the idea that there isn’t enough and that I didn’t deserve to receive what was out there. I did loads of healing around this and then once I started working with my business coach, Monica Shah, my mindset shifted considerably. Here is a photo of me sharing my now ever-evolving money story ~ the one that I am actively creating ~ at her Master Your Money event in Atlanta this past weekend.


When we claim a new story, we create a new reality.

What story are you ready to rewrite? I’d love to support you. Share in the comment section below and I will hold your intention to shift along with you!


Y’all, something really good is happening over here.

Those of you who read my words on a regular basis know that I set huge intentions last year around opening my heart up.

I peered into lots of darkness to find the light in the cracks so that I could split them wide open.

And now a sweet, soul-pounding revolution is taking place within this little frame that has opened me up to so much goodness that I’m just overflowing with it.

It was so so so scary to open myself up like I did, but it was like a compulsion that needed to be uncorked. I knew that if I was to do the work that I came here to do, I would have to be completely honest – not just with you, but most importantly – with myself.

That meant that I had to go even deeper.

I had to question my motives and my desires.

When something hurt or I was triggered, I explored it to its depths.

I went within; I went without. I found support when I needed it and trusted myself when it was up to me to find the answers.

I upturned blocks and peeked around the corners of my being. If I saw something that wanted attention, I addressed it.

There were times when I put it off and there were times when I ran in the other direction. But with every twist and turn I gently and lovingly pulled myself back to me.

And because I was persistent and because I was tenacious it has happened.

I wasn’t sure what “it” was when I embarked on this stage of my growth, but I knew I wanted whatever “it” was.

What I’ve discovered is that this “it” is a treasure that we all already hold within. It’s held within the core of our essence and it lives and breathes in our heart space and when we take all of the boards and walls and everything else we’ve shrouded it in down, the most amazing magic is sparked.

This magic sings out to all those who can hear it and when they tune into the melody…Well, you know, it may sound cliché, but a symphony is formed.

This music is manifesting in all areas of my life right now. Even as I write these words, the tears of resonance and joy jump from my eyes. It is showing up in my business, and I’m teaming up with the most wonderful people to bring some really great programs and retreats to life (for the one I’m planning with Elicia Miller, click here – it can put you well on this path too); it is manifesting in my personal life (juicy details will have to wait until later, but MAN, this feels electrifying); it is reverberating through my friendships, and I feel even closer to those I love.

This is why we do this.

This is exciting and alive and powerful and vibrant. Even when it hurts, and even when it is hard, it is transformative and empowering.

I LOVE YOU ALL. Thank you.

From Shadow to Light

I used to live in the shadows.

There was safety in the shadow. It was a place of seeming comfort and quiet where I was seldom noticed or heard. Sometimes I felt like I could talk on and on and not be heard, just a little bird making background noise to somebody else’s life. At other times, I couldn’t talk at all. Noises would flitter out of my throat in an attempt to share what was really going on inside, but they would quickly die down and settle like dust on the ground. My words were a jumbled mess that couldn’t find their way out and neither could I.

Within the shadow, I could hide. On the one hand, it felt terrible to not be seen, but on the other, it seemed terrifying to have to show myself. I was stuck, and not only did I not know how to get out, but I didn’t want to get out. I was scared of this seemingly big, bad world.

As far back as I remember I was afraid of making a mistake in public, worried that I would be singled out for it in some way that would harm me. I recall being in a bike race as a young girl, maybe six or seven. I was winning but as we approached the finish line, I realized I wasn’t sure where it was, where the actual race ended. Instead of making a potential fool out of myself by not stopping at the appropriate point, I slowed to allow another to cross before me. That second place trophy was a constant reminder of my cowardice, my inability to take risks or show myself in any way that might not be perfect.

I don’t know where it came from; I don’t recall ever being pressured to lead an impeccable life, but it was always there, and if I couldn’t be perfect, it was preferable to not be noticed at all. I strove to excel at everything that I did, and if I wasn’t great at it, I just wouldn’t do it. I was incapable of showing myself as the girl that I actually and authentically was. Even as I shined for an accomplishment, I felt myself drift further and further away from the light and into the shadow. I was trying to capture it in those moments of “winning”, only it couldn’t be integrated as it wasn’t emanating from within.

As this happened, my genuine voice remained completely hidden. I could share with a few close friends only, and even then I kept pieces of myself tucked away, little mementos of my less-than-perfect self that created cobwebs in the corners of my heart. The critic in my mind continued to harp on my inability to be enough in any area of my life and I shrank and shrank until I almost disappeared.

Making my way back into the light happened in little spurts. I’d stick my toe out to see what happened. At first it was scary and I’d pull it back in, but at some point I just started persisting. The healing work started paying off. Soon I could stick my head out and then at last my heart followed. That has been the true blessing. My heart runs the show most of the time these days. Fear still crops up but I’m onto it now. I can give it a wink and smile at it. I’m not hiding from myself anymore and when I look in the mirror, I like the image I see reflected back to me. More people seem to hear me now and I’m pretty sure it’s because my voice is comfortable and confident rolling out of my throat.

For a long time, I played the blame game: If only (fill in the blank), I would be (fill in the blank). There were hundreds of scenarios and not one of them involved me stepping out of my comfort zone. But as I fell back into my body, as I healed and got to know myself, as I stretched myself in ways not before imaginable, I started claiming my worth. I finally understood it; I finally felt it.

Now, I just AM – every little bit of me, even the pieces that I’d sometimes rather not see or deal with. The light is stronger than the shadow and it always wins, it always pulls me out, it always shines right where I need illumination.